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the-red-thread-that-strangles · 9 months ago

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Let's all wish @fizzyjacuzzi a very happy birthday <3

Sweater weather AU Operation Campfire (Part 2)

Despite all individual factors suggesting Rei should be asleep, he lies still and utterly: awake.

It's been a long night. He's tipsy and worn out and it's so comfortably warm in Akai's embrace. The sniper's heart beats steadily in his chest - a lullaby for Rei, if he could just calm down and listen. With every breath, he soaks in the smells: the body wash clinging to Akai; a hint of smoke from the man's stupidly unhealthy habit, and the last, stubborn reminders of aftershave. They mix and mingle into a nauseating scent that tries to drag Rei under, promises the sweet relief of pleasant dreams, if he just gives in. If he follows Akai into sleep.

And yet Rei's heart hammers in his chest, its erratic rhythm keeping him from peaceful slumber.

He's waiting - for something to happen, for this peaceful existence to end. For Akai to stir and quietly slip out of bed, leaving it cold and empty, with only the smell of stale smoke for company.

Not that the alternative is much better. If Akai leaves, it will hurt only once - and then Rei can shove all those spiralling thoughts and feelings back into the void they came from. Their little tryst would be a one-time mistake; excusable by a myriad of factors, never to be repeated again.

But if Akai doesn't leave, Rei will need to deal with this distraction, this temptation, in his heart and bed and life, for as long as Akai will have him.

(For as long as it takes for Rei to inevitably screw things up.)

Which might be sooner than later, because Rei has zero relationship experience.

It was simply never an option - had seemed like a mere distraction, a liability, something he couldn't afford and would gladly give up for his work. It hadn't even felt like a sacrifice; Rei was given the opportunity to be part of something so much larger, so much more important than himself - petty dreams of home and a family simply faded into obscurity.

Which leaves him with the current crisis. What does last night mean for their relationship, going forward?

If Akai wants any sort of regularity or stability, he'll be sorely disappointed. When Rei does manage to go home at all it's at odd hours of the night. Then he works some more, sleeps a few hours, and before dawn, he's already back at it. Crime never sleeps, and so neither should he.

(The hypocrisy stings, every time he tells Akai to rest, so he can give his all, later. Just because Rei objectively knows it to be true, doesn't mean he is beholden to it. And if he can't fall asleep, well, he might as well get more work done.)

That is, if he's even in the country. It's not quite as bad as during his syndicate days, but Rei travels wherever his mission leads him. Meeting contacts in person still is most effective; many of them don't trust digital communications, and for good reason, when the leak of a conversation might mean one's death.

Sometimes communications break down in the middle of a mission, too. It's very possible he'll be away from home, and Akai won't be able to reach him for weeks, maybe months if he's in deep cover and can't move safely. This year alone, they've already gone several months at once without seeing each other. Rei is busy, and so is Akai, and their schedules barely line up.

(Always on a timer, when they do.)

It's slightly better at the moment, because Akai is on loan to the PSB, but that's only until the syndicate case is wrapped up. Another year, at most.

(And then Rei will be left behind, again.)

Not that it will be much better for Akai. Despite his cool cat persona, it's clear his family means everything to the sniper. Rei won't be able to give him any. And he won't even be able to reliably provide the support Akai deserves.

(He's dug into Akai's relationship history, briefly, and is now left wondering whether things didn't work out between him and agent Starling because she, too, refused to put him above her work.)

Rei's heart burns. This is a mistake.

Maybe he could spare them both future suffering, if he nips this fledgeling concept in the bud. Could claim it was a drunken whim that had him going along with Akai's kisses, that he would have never done so while sober. That it's inappropriate.

That he doesn't reciprocate Akai's feelings.

(It would be a lie. But what is his life but lies, these days?)

All of this would be a lot simpler without the taste of Akai's lips still lingering on his, without being given a taste of what things could be.

The rare night out drinking. (Akai's unguarded smile, among his colleagues.)

Akai coming over to help build furniture for his new flat. (The look of pleased surprise, when Rei gave him a key.)

The safehouse. (Scrubbing Akai's hair. Having breakfast together. Watching over each other's sleep. Their own little bubble, waiting to burst. He would have liked to stay trapped like that for a little while longer.)

All those small comforts softening the blows life deals to him. He's so tempted to rest, with Akai by his side. Which is exactly the problem.

Akai makes Rei want to forget his duty, and he can't.

It's the one thing he always adhered to, throughout the years. What kept him going, when the world turned to ash around hime. The one thing that defines him. He can't give it up.

If he lost that, what would be left of him?

If he lost Akai, what would be left of him?

How is he supposed to reconcile these conflicting desires?

He wants Akai, so deeply and painfully that the mere thought of ruining this tentative bond between them sends a spike of anxiety through Rei. It seizes his heart and leaves him short of breath.

Shuuichi shifts in his sleep, squeezes Rei close, rubs slow circles into his back. It doesn't help, is only a temporary respite.

(Rei's stomach churns. Not for the first time, he wishes he'd chosen a simpler path in life.)

Damnit. What is he even doing, here? Luring Akai in with his selfish desires, luxuriating at his side, when Rei knows full well he can't give him what he needs, deserves?

Akai presses a kiss into his hair, mumbling something incomprehensible.

This is a mistake. This weakness is going to get them both killed.

His heart can't take it, and so Rei runs.

The morning air helps to cool his thoughts a little, but he's drifting aimlessly through the city streets. He wishes he had Haro with him - it would give him a pretence of purpose, at least, to walk his dog. But Haro is enjoying a well-earned spa day in a pet hotel. Since none of their colleagues were available to dogsit, and Rei was not too keen on a repeat of the last time Haro had tried to become top dog at a gathering with police hounds, it had seemed like a sensible option.

He's regretting it right about now - the place likely isn't staffed yet, and it would be more trouble than it's worth to try and dognap his own puppy. Maybe he should have taken Azusa's offer, after all. She's used to getting up early for work, at least. But while she means well, the less involved he is with her, the better for the both of them. He'd rather avoid another cyberbullying incident.

Hm.

Maybe he should just go to work? That would put his mind back on track. Though going there now would earn him a lecture about his workaholic tendencies from Hiro as soon as he finds out.

Come to think of it... Isn't this situation supposedly what best friends are for?

Finding Hiro from his last known location is a trivial affair.

The tracker Rei slipped into his best friend's purse is sending its signal ever-reliably, leading him through Tokyo's back alleys until he arrives in front of a place called The Study Room. Though the name is innocuous enough, the tacky red plush decor and brightly coloured advertisements for all sorts of costumes and toys greeting him as he slips inside very quickly paint a less-than-innocent picture.

Not the seediest love hotel Rei has ever set foot into, but still far from classy.

In the early morning hours, the place is practically deserted. Rei makes his way up to the second floor without running into anyone, which is just as well. Hiro picked a room close to the central staircase - easy to evacuate. He must have still had his wits about him. Good.

"Room service", he calls out in an off-pitch voice, and knocks. When that doesn't get a reply, Rei lets himself inside. Either it's Hiro's room, or someone has stolen his wallet - taking care of the latter also seems like a decent way to calm his racing thoughts.

The lock gives way easily enough as he swipes his keycard through the frame. With a soft creak, the door swings open to reveal a lavishly-decorated bedroom, pink and red hues dominating, and the scent of lavender overpowering anything else. The room is artificially darkened with blinds, though a few LED strips offer diffuse lighting from behind the bed. He's also staring down the barrel of Hiro's gun, his best friend's eyes gleaming dangerously in the low light.

Rei would be more inclined to feel threatened if he had bothered to flick off the safety. "Good morning to you too, Hiro."

His friend puts the service weapon back into the holster he's draped across the bedside table, and takes a look at his wristwatch. "It's still night, Zero." He sighs, takes a longing look at the pillows, and then points towards another door leading out of the room.

Rei frowns - the bed looks comfortable enough, surely they could chat here? Although to be completely honest, he doesn't want to know what people have done here, and how properly it's been cleaned and disinfected. If Hiro suggests the side room, presumably a bathroom, that's probably for the best.

Though -

"What's going on?", a high-pitched voice whines at Hiro's side, and despite the cadence, it's very clearly... male. And terrifyingly familiar.

Surely, he can't -

Hiro gives him a measured look, points at the door again, and then, to Rei's horror, ruffles the hair of the person beside him. "Shhh, it's alright. Just go back to sleep. I'll be right back."

"Don't dally." Before his very eyes, detective Yamamura Misao of the Gunma police places a kiss on Hiro's hand before his best friend can escape the smooching jaw of the abyss that is hungrily reaching out for him. "It's so cold without you..."

Rei stares for a moment too long as Hiro slides out of bed, glued to the accident unfolding before him. For his due diligence, he is rewarded with the image of detective Yamamura's half-naked form, burnt into his eyes, his mind, before the officer wraps himself up in a blanket.

Bleach. He needs bleach. Rei hurries into the next room, praying that it is, indeed, a bathroom, and well-stocked with cleaning supplies. He's sorely disappointed to find only an obscene variety of shower gels and shampoo in the room.

The door opens and closes behind him, gets locked with a click. For someone dressed in just his underwear and a fluffy pink bathrobe, Hiro manages to project a surprisingly concerned aura. He pinches the bridge of his nose. "Alright, Zero. Why are you here, at seven in the morning, on the first day of my vacation?" He taps his foot. It echoes off the tiled bathroom.

His mind still reeling, Rei tries to bring his spiralling thoughts into some semblance of order. He's not slept in over forty-eight hours. Maybe this was all just a vivid hallucination? He gets those sometimes. "Was that-"

Hiro clicks his tongue. "Surely you did not barge into my hotel to discuss my love life, Zero."

Rude. If their roles were reversed, his best friend would pry until Rei didn't have any secrets left to tell. Unfortunately, Hiro was taught all the same interrogation techniques as Rei - as well as how to resist them.

(And unlike him, Hiro doesn't usually keep his secrets close to his chest. If he doesn't want to talk about this... well, the less Rei has to think about the walking, talking headache that is Yamamura, the better.)

At least his best friend's words serve as a reminder, stirring a moment of clarity from his confusion. Love life. Right. That was it. There was a reason he sought out his best friend. For advice. For help. Damnit. Where does he even start?

Rei turns on the shower. He'd rather be caught dead than to have Yamamura be the one to overhear this particular talk.

The seconds pass, run down the drain with the shower water. Rei stares at his hands, folded in his lap, as the room slowly fogs up. Doesn't manage to look Hiro in the eye.

Alright. Simple and straight to the point. Get it over and done with.

"Akai kissed me." The confession bubbles out of Rei in a mixture of joy, confusion and tacit apprehension. It's still hard to believe it really happened, but the feeling lingers on his kiss-bruised lips, sends warmth pooling into his stomach.

He can feel the weight of Hiro's gaze shifting on him, sharpening. Bracing himself. "And how did you respond?"

Rei scoffs. As if there ever was more than one possible answer. "I reciprocated, of course."

(And then they had kissed some more, and Rei's hand had slipped under the hem of Akai's pyjama shirt, seeking out the warmth of his skin more directly, and Shuuichi had held him close, pressed him tightly to his chest as if he never wanted to let Rei go-)

Hiro lets out a breath of relief, and somehow that's a little insulting.

"Congratulations, then. It was admittedly getting a little frustrating to watch you two dance around each other, while also clearly being head over heels. I was starting to wonder if I needed to lock you two up together in the cabin next week." Hiro frowns, blinks the sleep from his eyes. "But if that's the case, then why are you here, and not, oh, I don't know - in his arms?"

"I need advice, an emergency strategy. What do I do now?" It's pathetic how uncertain his voice comes out, lacking all confidence. It breaks at the last syllable - this was a mistake, he should leave.

Hiro catches his look, and steps in between Rei and the door.

Great. Rei would rather not have to fight to gain his freedom. Normally, he can take Hiro. Right now, he wouldn't be so sure. He links his fingers and rests his chin on top, awaiting Hiro's judgement.

Thankfully, it doesn't come. Hiro just drags a small stepping stool over. Rei doesn't want to know what that's usually used for, in this kind of establishment. "Alright. Let's brainstorm." He pours them each a glass of water, and sits down.

"Okay. Let's roll it up from the bottom." Hiro yawns. "To make a plan, we need the goal. What is it that you want?"

A loaded question, the one Rei has been struggling with the whole way here. Leave it to Hiro to cut right to the meat of the issue.

The simple truth, the pattern in the memories of the last year, is thus: Rei needs wants Akai Shuuichi in his life.

He wants the small joys; to run fingers through Shuuichi's wet locks after a shower, to taste-test the newest recipe he tries his hand at, to hear him yawn all throughout the morning until he's had his first cup of coffee.

Rei wants the bitterness, too; to cover Akai, when he's being reckless; to hold him, when the nightmares threaten to swallow him whole; to kiss his scars all better, because there's nothing else to be done about them.

And lastly, Rei wants the man himself; wants to see that fond smile directed at him, wants those burning eyes focused solely on him, wants the heat of Akai's body to seep into his bones and keep him warm.

(Wants Akai to take him and hold him and keep him when he's done.)

What a selfish creature he is, to know nothing but his own desires.

"I want Akai in my life."

Hiro nods, unsurprised. "Now, I would argue that he already is. What would you want to change about the current situation?"

Unbidden, the ghost sensation of being pinned to the bed, lips on his neck, and heavy breathing in his ear, interspersed with words of affection in Akai's low voice, come to mind. Rei can feel himself flush. He blames the hot shower for the sweat clinging to his skin.

Hiro looks right through him. "Never mind. Don't answer that."

Rei takes a deep sip from his glass. It helps, if only a little.

"But I don't really see the issue here? You just told me he made a move on you, and we both know Akai is the type to plan ahead. Surely, he's aware of the consequences of his actions, and ready to follow through with them?"

"That's exactly the problem. I think I've accidentally led him on - I can't give him what he wants. The NPA comes first."

(It has to come first.)

After a too-long pause, Hiro finally asks: "And what would that be?"

"A home, a family? What anyone would want. You saw how happy he was with Akemi. And there's this group of children, they call themselves The Detective Boys... when he was playing grad student, they befriended him, and even now that he's back as Akai, he's been meeting with them. Always returns with a smile when he does."

Hiro nods, the picture of a sage slightly ruined by his lack of a beard. "I presume he has told you this is what he wants?"

"No, but it's clear as day-"

"Zero. Rei. Stop."

Rei stares at his best friend. His mouth snaps shut mid-sentence.

"Listen. You're a brilliant investigator, and you make a living out of analysing people. This skill has kept you alive, so it makes sense you would rely on it. But in this case, you might be too involved to read the situation accurately. So until you've talked to Akai about this, I would like you to refrain from making assumptions."

Rei keeps his mouth carefully shut, fighting the urge to the scold Hiro. Who does he think he is, to know Akai better-

"If there's anyone in the world who understands your work and the toll it takes, it's Akai. I'm sure he didn't expect you to quit your job and marry him on the spot or some such ridiculous thing."

(Shuuichi's eyes, so warm and bright, his hands, careful of his strength, holding him tight-

Rei really wouldn't be so sure about the 'not wanting to marry on the spot' thing. He's seen plenty of couples on their wedding day with looks less fond than Akai's.)

"He's neither stupid, nor delusional. A relationship is give and take, if that's even what he wants. That plan you asked for? It's simple: talk it out with him. Though you might have to pry his thoughts and feelings out of him - you know how he gets."

Beep. Beep. Beep-

Hiro frowns and fishes his phone out of the bathrobe's pocket with a sigh. "Seriously, why am I so popular today..." He glances at the display. "Ah. Speak of the devil."

"Good morning, Akai-" He's apparently being interrupted, frowns. Rei turns off the shower in order to eavesdrop. "What? Of course you're coming along, don't be silly." Hiro's smile is bright, but his eyes remain sharp, concerned.

Akai's voice echoes in the small bathroom. It stabs right through Rei's heart with how flat and quiet it is.

"Don't bother. I messed up. He's gone."

Damnit.

Hiro shoots Rei an exasperated look, rolls his eyes, and then proceeds to throw him under the bus.

"He's not gone. He's right here, with me."

That back-stabbing son of a- Is this payback for breaking into his room? To make things worse?

"Apologies for stealing him away for a moment. I lost my keys and had him fetch me the replacements."

Oh.

It's an obvious lie - Rei wouldn't drive under the influence, and Akai was right there. It would have made more sense to tell the sniper - but Hiro says it with the same inherent confidence as someone stating that the earth revolves around the sun. It doesn't allow for questioning of his authority.

Akai is very quiet on the other end of the line.

"He'll be right back with you, faster than you can blink. Won't you, Furuya?"

Rei flinches. Hiro hasn't called him that in private in years, possibly decades.

His best friend holds the phone at him with the most saccharine smile, wiggles it encouragingly.

Rei's stupid heart beats too strongly, knowing Akai is on the other end of the line, knowing he was ready to walk out of their plans because he thought he ruined something, when it was Rei who ran away, didn't even bother to give an excuse, had to rely on Hiro to cover him-

"...yes. Stay where you are." Rei's voice is rough, doesn't want to cooperate, but he manages to wring the words out. He should apologize. He wants to apologize-

"Understood." With another beep, the line goes dead, and the words he couldn't get out die on Rei's lips.

He hands back the phone, straightens himself up. He can't figure this out alone, but maybe, together with Akai, it could be possible. They've faced worse odds before, and walked back out alive, after all. Rei can only hope he hasn't already damaged things beyond repair before they even started.

"Alright, Zero. Get out, go back home, work things out with him." Hiro unlocks the door, shoos him out. "And next time you need something, please at least call ahead. I promise you I'll have your back, in person or otherwise."

Rei just nods and hurries away. The last thing he hears from beyond the door is a sleepy officer Yamamura. "Oh good, you're back. I was starting to wonder whether you'd been murdered and put in the shower to muddle the time of death-"

Maybe the guy does deserve his detective rank. But Rei really wants to stop thinking about Hiro's love life. He has enough to worry about with his own.

The way home is hazy. A taxi might have been involved? Rei can't quite remember having brought his wallet, but maybe he did. Or maybe Hiro gave him some cash? He's been running on anxiety and adrenaline for too long; they're collecting their due, leaving him dazed.

He drags himself up the stairs, to his flat on the second floor. Fumbles with his keys, unable to fit them into the lock. On the third attempt, he finally manages to calm himself enough to stop his hands from shaking. He pushes against the door, and-

-it won't open past a third of the way. Rei shoves again. There's a little give, but ultimately it won't open. What the hell?

He pokes his head around to see Akai sitting on the step in his entryway, one long leg extended, blocking the door.

"...what are you doing?"

Akai keeps staring at the floor. "Exactly what you told me to."

It's too early for games. Or maybe it would be too late? Time has lost its meaning. Regardless, Rei bristles. "I didn't-"

Wait.

"Oh, for the love of- you were allowed to make yourself comfortable!"

Akai just shrugs, won't even look at him. "A minor inconvenience wasn't worth the possibility to upset you."

If that was his goal, then Akai has failed miserably. Rei has half a mind to chew him out for his idiocy - anger, always the first response, easy to reach for even in a sleep-deprived haze. The floor must have been so cold, keeping in position for more than half an hour uncomfortable and completely unnecessary - before it sinks in.

"Let me into my own damn flat, Akai."

That's his idiot on the floor. Waiting for him to come back, hoping that he would. Half-dressed already - he must have called Hiro on his way out the door. Trying to make space so when Rei returned, he wouldn't have to deal with him. Akai's emergency duffel sits beside him, the carrying strap already slung over his shoulder. He was just going to extract himself, leave without a trace-

A wave of nausea hits Rei. He barely manages to hold onto the door in an attempt to keep himself steady.

"As you wish." Akai draws his leg back.

The door gives.

And Rei falls.

Damnit. He didn't think that one through.

The impact comes much earlier, and softer, than Rei expected.

That would be concerning, if his flayed nerves weren't soothed by warmth, the scent of familiar detergent and the soft fabric of an even more familiar sweater. He's just about ready to pass out where he stands - in Shuuichi's arms, the safest place to be.

But he can't, he needs to-

Akai drags him the rest of the way inside the flat, holds him against the door while he locks it. The interplay of muscles working against him is horribly distracting, when Rei's trying to gather enough of his mind to say what he needs to say-

Akai turns them, as if leading in a dance. The world spins on its axis, a gravitational pull towards Akai; and then Rei's sat down on the step in his entryway, gentle as the first snow.

Squatting down do meet him, Akai looks at him, for the first time this morning - quiet, guarded, carefully gaging Rei's reaction.

(But still, unable to help himself. Couldn't sit idly by, while Rei could get hurt.)

Rei doesn't deserve him.

And yet, he's here.

He's still here.

Waiting.

"Are you alright?"

It's too soft, too concerned.

The world blurs out of focus, and his lungs struggle to take in enough air through shallow gasps.

"Can I-"

Zero hesitation. "Whatever you need."

Rei finds the hem of Shuuichi's sweater more through touch than vision, grabs it, and drags him into his chest for a bone-crushing hug. In Rei's fuzzy, spinning world, he alone remains constant.

"I'll say this only once, so you had better listen", he mutters into his lover's hair.

(Because that's what this is, isn't it? That nauseous, burning feeling, constricting his chest. Love.)

"I'm sorry I left while you were still asleep." 'I'm sorry I turned tail and ran. I'm sorry I got scared.'

Shuuichi squirms in his arms until he manages to look up at Rei. "You came back for me as soon as you could." His small smile is so earnest and hopeful, Rei wants to-

Oh.

He can, now.

So he kisses Shuuichi.

'Always. For as long as you'll have me.'

"This is a tad dramatic, though, for merely helping out Morofushi." There's amusement in Shuuichi's voice, and he bumps their foreheads together. Surely, he must have seen through their lie, but it seems like he's leaving Rei an easy out.

He feels himself get lightheaded with relief, the tension seeping out of his muscles. The composition of his budy has been turned into putty, while he wasn't paying attention. He leans into Akai.

"Shut up. It's been a long day." They need to talk, but it will have to wait. Even just getting up and walking seems like a challenge, as he is.

"You didn't sleep at all, did you?" Concern mixed with amusement, the most irritating of combinations, especially from Akai. "Let's get you to bed."

Shuuichi kneels in front of Rei to unlace his boots and remove them - a very flattering position that is going to haunt his dreams. He's helped out of his coat, and though he insists he can walk, Shuuichi has the gall to shut him up with a kiss, and pick him up while Rei's mind is otherwise pre-occupied.

"Just focus on resting up."

When Shuuichi deposits him in the bed and turns to leave, Rei drags him back under the covers with him.

Rei wakes, alone, to the sizzle of oil and the smell of eggs on the verge of burning. He drags himself out of bed almost automatically, ready to save Azusa's attempt at scrambled eggs - only to realize he's not at the café, and instead stare in horror at his own kitchen, and the mess therein. He really wants to go lie back down.

(Mostly because Shuuichi's cooking at the stove, in his cream sweater and the black apron Rei kept from Poirot. He's tied a utilitarian ribbon at the back, the ends of which dangle down, highlighting the curve of his ass. It gives Rei too many ideas, too early in the day.)

He fetches himself a glass of water instead, observing the sniper move through his territory and grumbling: "You really have to stop attempting to murder me."

Shuuichi glances up from his attempts at rolling the tamagoyaki in its pan with a too-soft smile. Despite the appealing scent of his endeavours, Rei's stomach churns and flutters. He probably couldn't keep anything down if he tried.

"Surely my cooking is at least passable, by now." There's unconcealed pride in his smile, as he adds: "The last time Masumi arranged a family dinner, even Shiho commended me on my soup making skills."

"That's not what I meant." He nudges Shuuichi aside, pours more egg into the pan in order to save the poor tamagoyaki.

One of these days, that smile is going to kill him. But for now, he'll save the food and kiss it off Shuuichi's annoyingly smug face later.

And after breakfast, they'll talk.

Sweater weather AU masterpost

#please go easy on Rei he's running on too little sleep and too many emotions #finished writing this with a splitting headache as usual. I'd like to stop empathizing with them now please #this whole intermission is on you jac. they were supposed to go to the *campfire* part of operation campfire next.#but no. they had to have thoughts and feelings. damnit.#i also need you all to know that during that whole scene in the bathroom. rei sat on the closed lid of the toilet.#couldn't say that because it would have ruined the seriousness of the situation. but it sure was happening.#perfect place to have a heart-to-heart with your best friend.#also about the background yamahiro. i don't even ship them but hiro deserves his childhood friend romance too.#Rei: “that bumbling fool? really?” Hiro: “it's nice to have an uncomplicated loved one for a change”#akam #dcmk #sweater weather AU #iris writes things #iris writes fic #long post #(we're at 40k for this whole thing now. curse you bibi)

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